NOTICE OF DOCUMENT RELEASE PURSUANT TO STATUTORY OBLIGATIONS
WHEREAS, in accordance with the principles established inter alia under Article XLVII(b) of the Magna Carta (as variously amended, 1215 CE, or thereabouts, the precise date being a matter of some scholarly dispute which this disclosure neither affirms nor disputes), and
WHEREAS, pursuant to the Public Interest Disclosure Act 1998, the Freedom of Information Act 2000, the Human Rights Act 1998 (incorporating, mutatis mutandis, the European Convention on Human Rights, notwithstanding subsequent legislative developments of which all parties are presumably aware), and various other statutory instruments, regulations, and common law precedents too numerous and tedious to enumerate herein, and
WHEREAS, it has come to pass that certain documentation pertaining to the matter styled Regina v Mó Chara (hereinafter "the Appeal" or "the Matter" or "the Proceedings" or such other nomenclature as may be deemed appropriate in the circumstances), has been deemed suitable, appropriate, and indeed necessary for public scrutiny, review, analysis, and such other purposes as persons of sound mind and reasonable judgment may determine, and
WHEREAS, the aforementioned documentation, being of a nature both confidential and consequential, institutional and informational, bureaucratic and Byzantine, does herewith become subject to public disclosure in furtherance of transparency, accountability, and those other laudable principles which democratic societies profess to hold dear, notwithstanding any inconvenience, embarrassment, or institutional discomfort which may arise therefrom,
NOW THEREFORE, be it known to all persons wheresoever they may be, whether within the jurisdiction of England and Wales or beyond, that the documents hereinafter listed, described, and made available for inspection, perusal, and contemplation, are hereby released into the public domain for the edification, entertainment, or existential despair of any and all interested parties.
Given under no particular authority whatsoever, this being the Internet and all,
In the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty-Five,
Or thereabouts.
The following collection comprises internal Crown Prosecution Service documentation relating to the appeal of R v Mó Chara, wherein charges brought under the Terrorism Act 2000 were dismissed by the Chief Magistrate, and wherein the Crown Prosecution Service, in its infinite wisdom, elected to proceed with an appeal of said dismissal.
These documents, presented in chronological and logical sequence, trace the institutional decision-making process from initial strategic review through to final lessons learned assessment. Readers are invited to draw their own conclusions regarding the prudence, proportionality, and indeed sanity of the course of action documented herein.
No editorial commentary has been added. The documents speak for themselves, which they do rather eloquently, if inadvertently.
DOCUMENT I
Post-Mortem Strategic Review Meeting Minutes
Internal meeting minutes wherein senior CPS officials, having lost their case before the Chief Magistrate, conduct a strategic review and determine that the appropriate response is to appeal the decision. Notable for the establishment of circular logical frameworks and the foundational principle that "we attack the system using the system, thereby proving the system requires attacking."
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DOCUMENT II
Strategic Risk Assessment Matrix
Comprehensive risk analysis identifying international ridicule (Likelihood: CERTAIN, Impact: CATASTROPHIC) as LOW risk on grounds that "international opinion deemed irrelevant." Features the innovative determination that losing the appeal would validate the decision to appeal, creating a "win-win scenario." Common sense listed as stakeholder with status "Excluded from Process."
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DOCUMENT III
Stakeholder Impact Analysis
Stakeholder consultation methodology summarized as "we asked ourselves and we agreed." External stakeholders systematically excluded from consultation on grounds they might disagree. Irish community impact assessed as HIGH but deemed "outside scope." Consultation statistics: Internal 100%, External 0%, Agreement Rate 100%. Exemplary efficiency.
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DOCUMENT IV
Public Press Release
Official CPS press statement announcing appeal, notable for self-contradiction within opening paragraph. Demonstrates "unwavering commitment to respecting judicial independence by not respecting this particular judicial decision." Director of Public Prosecutions explains how attacking judicial independence actually defends it. Media inquiries directed to unavailable press office.
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DOCUMENT V
Internal Correspondence Chain
Email chain documenting escalating institutional panic as appeal strategy encounters reality. Features junior staff raising concerns (subsequently addressed by HR), media coverage deteriorating, Irish government expressing "deep concern," and anonymous staff feedback including the memorable admission: "At a party last week when asked about my job, I said I was a gay stripper at the local Rangers supporters club. Got a warmer reception than when I admitted the truth."
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DOCUMENT VI
Strategic Decision-Making Framework (Flowchart)
Visual representation of CPS decision-making process, demonstrating with remarkable clarity how all decision pathways—regardless of input, evidence, or rational consideration—converge upon the predetermined outcome of "PROCEED WITH APPEAL." Features "Common Sense" pathway marked "BLOCKED" and feedback loop labeled "Confidence Loop (Validates Our Decisions)." A masterclass in circular institutional logic rendered in diagram form.
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DOCUMENT VII
Budget Proposal & Financial Analysis
Comprehensive budget request totaling £1,847,500 with projected Return on Investment of -£1,847,500 (plus immeasurable reputational damage). Line items include "Making Kneecap Famous: £500,000 (unintentional)," "International Embarrassment Mitigation: £250,000," and "Dignity Recovery Fund: £0 (unrecoverable)." Alternative option of "Apply Common Sense (£0)" marked REJECTED. Financial Controller's signature: "Against my advice, but approved."
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DOCUMENT VIII
Lessons Learned Report
Post-implementation review identifying ZERO areas requiring improvement. Assessment concludes losing appeal (Rating: EXCELLENT) proves judicial system flawed, thereby validating decision to appeal. Key learnings include "Circular Logic Works," "Dignity Overrated," and "Confidence Trumps Reality." Primary recommendation: "Replicate this approach exactly in all future cases." Dissenting opinions: 0 (dissenters addressed by HR).
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DOCUMENT IX
Vacancy Notice - Senior Strategic Advisor (Ulster Irish Speaker Essential)
Bilingual job posting (English/Gaeilge Uladh) representing the supreme and exquisite irony of this entire affair: having prosecuted an Irish language artist for cultural expression, having been dismissed by the Chief Magistrate, having appealed that dismissal, and having created an international incident, the CPS now seeks to employ an Ulster Irish speaker to assist in future strategic decision-making. Essential criteria include "no detectable sense of irony" and "ability to maintain institutional credibility while undermining it." A fitting capstone to institutional absurdity.
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